Hero

I feel like i'm on Heroes (a show that comes on TV that is so good. I watched like 4 DVD's of Season 1 in one night! lol ...but seriously, I thought of heroes one day last week as I was reading in 2 Corinthians about how we as Christians are Christs' (God's) ambassadors pleading on his behalf for people to reconcile themselves to God. I was thinkin about the tv series how there were only a few heroes in the world sprinkled thoughout the earth in difference places, but someonehow all of them shared a common bond, and their lives collided in different ways. But the main bond they shared was the intrical part they played in saving the world. No one's powers were over the other. They eached depended on each other inasmuch as the world depended on them (little did the world know that their lives depended on these "heroes").

Just food for thought...

Resolutions and revelations

Late again. I woke up late this morning--rather yesterday morning, now it's after 12. It's technically new years eve.



I'm glad i'm finally aproaching opportunities to share Christ with people I know at work. All i did was pray about it. Don't know why I waited so long to get real, get serious, you know? Funny thing is, one of my goals in 2007 was to lead someone to Christ. Didn't happen. And the sad part is not that i didn't meet my goal; i'm more sad that there are people out there possibly missing out on Christ because of my unwillingness and disobedience.

Moving on...(i'm really not in the mood today to make excuses for myself or condone it.)

I now take this very seriously, and I even have to question how much i really love God. It's like, do I love him as much as I say I do?



rAnDoMs

I spilt milk on my labtop yesterday. Now my keys type much smoother and don't clank as much. I'm surprised it even works. Gods grace? lol



Ok, so I know ur probably thinkin i'm real spiritual right now, right? No. I'm working on that. Though i seem to write a lot about my faith because I can't shut up about it or stop thinking about it when I'm alone, I only wish and hope that I could talk about it with others as much as I do with myself.



I do have one thing to say about the new year though. I realize that a large portion of this year, though I seem to care about accomplishing what I feel I must do now to fulfill God's plan for my life, I've actually been very selfish. I realized this today as paster Jesse Prince was speaking on the podium today in place of Pastor Gerald. His message wasn't real deep or philisophical. Just simple...but it spoke volumes to me, loud and clear. He talked about Esther.


Basically how all the "success" Esther had (making it as queen of the land, being beautiful and all), still seemed insignificant as she laid her life on the line for an entire nation. Yeah, she could've sat tight in the palace while her people were being slaughtered. She could've been just another little helpless powerless queen, but no. She new she was put in the kingdom for such as time as that. It even says in Esther when she recieved a memo (message) saying basically that either way God's going to save his people whether she did anything or not, and she would just parish to be forgotten if she did not seize the opportunity that lied ahead of her (when it was talking about 'don't think you will escape the decree' and stuff like that with her being a jew and all). In short, she was willing to lay her life on the line, even in the midst of her success. And here's the most awesome part of it all:
This was about her people. Her significance is about God using her to save an entire nation, not the fact that she was a queen. I'm sure there were a lot of queen's before her and after her, but i'm not reading about them so...yeah.

Anyways, he talked about our life being about others and helping them succeed, and even helping them in the midst of your success--using your influence. I want to use whatever influence I have to do this, that is, if I have or will ever have any at all...

Thinkin about this at church, I nearly cried during the alter call thinking about one person in particular: Ms. Pearl.

When Jesse made this statement, or rather a quote, it stopped my racing mind in its tracks. He said "you know you are successfull when you are succeeding because others want you to succeed", or something like it.
Now I don't want to be selfish in this, but I really do want to help others with my life. Why else am I here? because I've already come to a saving knowledge of Christ, and I believe that by faith I am saved, but I want others to come to this place as well.

What can i do? What must i do...?

Resolution #1 (for the new year): Sacrifice myself for others' sake, for their sake.

by the way, about Ms. Pearl. She is the person I thought of after Jesse's quote that I would absolutely love to see her succeed. Of course I wish success for everyone I known and love, but for some reason, this woman that I barely even know, really don't even known personally, except through a brief conversation in Chicago and a short interview over the phone in March, had a profound impact on me. I still remember (though it was months ago during spring break--March).
The thing that stikes me the most about her his her humility and drive to help young mothers succeed who may feel like their in a hopeless situation like she felt she was, but look at God's grace. Now I want to do anything I can to help her recieve the money for the new facility to hold more children and classes and things. Some pleace safe, homey, custom...
I want to see her succeed because she wants others to suceeed so much. A wise woman indeed.

Christmas Day

Yea tho it's been a while....
naw, i'm just playin. But yeah, it's been a hot min since i've written anything. Later on this week i'm going to write my new year's conclusion and also my goals for the new year and life in general.
Things have been wonderful so far today. I got a new digital camera!!! I'm very excited about that. Now i'm going to be uploading pics and posting videos like crazy...
I also got some jewlry from my brother and dad, and some new clothes from my mom--much needed. And they liked their gifts too, so it was all worth it! Later at 7:20 we're going to see The Great Debaters mvie wit Denzel and Forrest Whitaker...It was sold out when we got to the theater. My mom and I were just shocked at how many white folks came out to see it, but then again wer thought about Oprah, and then iy all made sense (She endorsed this movie).. We were supposed to see the 4:55 show, but
there were only 3 seats left, and 4 of us. Other people were turning away angry; whole families leaving...yeah, so we're leaving at like 6:30 to get good seats.
But anyways, i'm looking forward to the new year. Things have been some what of a strugglw lately with me workin and stuff. I came out with the 3.5 i wanted by the end of this semester, thanks be to God cuz Lord knows I couldn't have done that on my own with all lifes cRaZiNeSs.
Speakin of cRaZy, I have no idea how next semester, or next summer's going to turn out for me. I have, well had plans, but it seems others' plans are overriding mine. So basically the things I want to do, i may not be able to. Like Plan #1: This summer I'm going to work at KAA the first half as a counselor, then got to Salamanca, Spain the second.
Not only do I not have my application for KAA in yet, I have yet to complete it along with finding people to recomend me, and as for Spain...well, my roommate may be getting married exactly 1 week before I would be back, and when I talked to one of the study abroad corrdinators, she said I wasn't able to leave early or make arrangements. Not to mention others who have been newly engaged who will probably be getting married over the summer...
Plan #2: I'm going to Phili on a missions trip during spring break.
Now today my Dad said to leave Spring break open so that we could go to New Orleans to visit my grandpa. I really want to go to N.O. so bad to see him because not only have i not been in almost 2 years now, but I really want to see grandpa because I'm not sure how many years i'll have left with him. ...but then again I've been talkin bout Phili with Ebony since this past summer when it was first brought up, and I love inner city missions and I want to help the kids. I'M TORN
spain?? or my best friend's wedding?
Phili missions?? or N.O. with my grandpa?
and what about KAA? What if something comes up and i can't hold to my committment if they except me as a counselor?
(sigh.)

DREAMS

This afternoon as I was listening to the Michael Basden show in the car on my way back from an interview (it was with Cultural Awareness International for an intern position), I was thinking--"Wow, people out there are really doin it big." They were talking about persuing your dreams. Some people on the show called in saying they hated ther job, and would cry everyday because they hated it so much. But then there were others who called in who owned their own businesses and loved their jobs. Just one day they had had enough, and they got out there and did it. One lady and her husband opened a jazz club. One day they were just like, "hmm, there's no clubs in this area we like." They found a location, and next thing you know they were opening a club in Brooklyn. He stayed on the phone with the woman who owned the jazz club as other called in for advice. Mike said somethin along the lines... "Whatever you do, no matter what you're current job, you work at it with your dream in mind, and let that be your focus. Let that be your goal. Don't have a job just to have one." So basically it's like you may have all kinds of jobs, but look at them as a stepping stone and never stop persuing your ultimate dream in the meantime. Let the ultimate dream be on the forefront of your mind.
The woman also had simple advice, "Don't stop." Just like that. This really got me thinking. You know, though I may be doing all kinds of things right now, it should always be with this ultimate goal in mind: giving God glory. My live lives to spread the gospel and Christ alone. I also like helping others. Everything I do should march toward this goal...and the magazine, this dream so little known by many. But i'm gonna keep it on my mind.


Also, today thinkin about some of the guys in the Crossmovement (Da Truth, Flame?, I think) and the 116 Clique, it's all good what they're doin. But it's all dudes!!!
Where are the females? Well, today I thought to myself, "Maybe instead of looking for these bold Godly women, I should be one", you know? I'm just a liitle unsure of myself right now, but somebody's gotta do it. I'm constantly looking for this romodel. But the more I search, and the more i'm unable to find her, the more I want to be her so that other girls can have one at least. I don't know... However, don't get me wrong. There are plenty of excellent romodels and godly women for young women to model after. I go to church with some, but I want to see us out there more. I want to put us 'out there'. Maybe not rapping like the 116, but you know, doin our thing, but God's way.

The Music Never Stops. Period.

This is a personal essay I wrote for my feature writing class about the perils of competition in band during high school. I kinda like it, so i thought I'd post it. I definately learned from this experience, and in light of today...i thought it'd be appropriate. = )

My entire music career comes up this point. This will prove weather or not I am truly talented: the Solo and Ensemble competition. This gives band nerds their bragging rights. I’ve seen people’s sweat and tears over this competition. Slaving away over notes, locked in practice rooms four to five months out of the year, it all would pay off. All in mere ten minutes, and during one solo.
My sweaty fingers glide up and down the metal keys of my clarinet.
I’m next.
My mind searches for data…a note. A key. A change in the song. The tips of my fingers puff over the open holes giving the hollow wood a voice in the stagnate air. One last prayer outside the classroom door: "Ok, God,…" I only have one chance.
This will be the year for me. This will be the year that I can make it to state and prove to everyone that I have true musical talent. I’ve been third to last chair all semester. The other clarinets in my section made it to state last year--all but me and the few others on the bottom of the totem pole, the bottom of our section. Now I am a senior. I must go.
I memorized a four-page piece by Braums--a beautiful silhouette. I played part in front of the class one day.
"Wow. It’s so pretty," says my friend Jasmine.
The first section: long, sad and hollow. I felt with Braums. Lonely in my room playing for hours and hours, I became one with this piece. Leaping and sailing with the notes off the page. My fingers twiddling up the register, warm air shooting through the hollow wooden instrument soothing the ears who heard the melodies.
"Beautiful sound," said Ms. Villareal, my band teacher from last year.
I played for my friends and family.
"You’re gonna do great!" said dad encouraging me one day after I played for him, "I’m so proud of you."
This year I had finally moved up to Wind Symphony, the top band at Frisco High School carrying some of best high school musicians the state of Texas. Certain sections from Frisco fill all or most seats at the 4A All-State Band Competition, some first chairs.
I had stiff competition. They had private lessons.
From working two jobs outside of school my senior year, I could finally afford them now, even though I am also saving up for a leadership conference in Europe this summer. Though I failed to make it to Regionals in the fall, fresh new flowers are blooming in the spring-filled air. I still had a one chance to redeem myself at Solo and Ensemble.
It’s my turn.
"Ok, we’re ready," the girl outside says to me.
I’m ready.
I stride into the room toward my moment of truth. I got this.
"Do you want to sit or stand?" asks the girl escorting me inside the room.
"I’ll stand."
My confidence--only half the battle. My piano accompanist: she started a war.
I play the first half of the piece without a single error but just one bar. Warm and lovely sounds on my reed. Thank God--the half pack of cinnamon Altoids I popped in my mouth this morning to clear my sinuses--they where really working! No cold was going to stop me from state.
Nothing. No one.
Rolling my fingers up and down the keys as smooth as silk, I'm now on the second half of the piece. Skilfully mastering the ugly runs*Brian, my private lessons teacher helped me flesh out, I'm on my way. Brian, a student from the University of North Texas college of music was part of their world renowned program, and an excellent teacher.
Coming to the last five lines of the festive second movement, my piano accompanist struggles to hit the correct black and white keys. Notes clash like train whistles. She’s slowing the speed of my upbeat tempo.
No.
The sounds become unbearable, and I spiral down into a deficit. No more patience! I have nothing left. Angry at the fumbling fingers to my right--
I stop.
She stops.
I let out an exasperated sigh of defeat into the silent air while closing my eyes. Shaking my head. It’s over.
"You want to continue?" asks the judge.
"Could I start in the middle of page four?"
I finish the last four lines of the song with a strong last note despite her mistakes.
"I’m so sorry," said the nervous woman once we were outside. She had ten or so other soloists to play for that day. My solo just happened to have a difficult ending. She felt responsible and only charged me half price. Why the hell did she tell me she could play when she really couldn’t? That bitch. I thought to myself.
We’ll see what happens once they post my score. I just need a I**. The score says it all: Top, Superior. I.
Looking up at the black ink embedded into the white piece of paper posted up in the cafeteria, my eyes filled with tears.
II.
I fled the building immediately. In shame and embarrassment rushed to my car. But I’m a senior!
I soaked the steering wheel with tears on my way to work that day.
I had failed, but I wasn’t because my faulty pianist. It wasn’t because of wrong notes I played.
Later reading the judges comments, I learned that I committed the number one sin at the competition: I stopped playing.
Up to that silent moment of defeat in the classroom, I had never stopped. The time it mattered most, I let the situation get the best of me. Losing didn’t prove whether or not I was truly talented, it exposed me.
If I had not stopped, I would be on my way to state. The man had complimented me on everything else, but my poor choice.
My entire music career came to up this point: a period, not a comma.
This taught me to never stop again, but I only had one chance…



*rolling your fingers up and down the keys quickly
**One.

My First A-head

This story came out of sweat and tears! It still as a little bit of blips, but it's my final version of the story. A-head are a lot harder to write than they seem...i plan to master them one day.



Secret Solution Slims Down Celebrities and Wanabees

Wrapped like a mummy in ACE bandages, a 30-something year old woman pumps her arms and legs back and forth on a gazelle. She’s wearing a plastic poncho, baggies over her feet and hands to trap toxins and fluids. The plastic bags fight against the creaking sound of the gazelle--she has only an hour to go.
This isn’t modern day torture. It’s another weight-loss tactic that guarantees instant inch loss.
This beauty product--The Body Wrap---is soaked in solution designed to release toxins and impurities from the body. People can take off anywhere from 10-30 inches in one session, a quick fix to become "suddenly slimmer."
Victoria Morton invented "Suddenly Slender: The Body Wrap" in 1969. Survived through polio, rickets and pneumonia, she now owns a franchise. As founder and president of Suddenly Slender Franchising USA, she’s invented more than 100 products for weight loss and age reversal.
"Everybody my age has cellulite and I do not," Morton says.
The 70-year-old ruby haired woman appeared on NBC’s Daytime flaunting her legs, slender and cellulite-free.
More than 10 million wraps have been given world wide by her licensed practitioners in the United States, Canada, the Carribean and Europe.
Ellen DeGeneres used it before the Oscars last year. Heiress Carolina Bacardi, disco diva Gloria Gainer, and even Dr. Phil McGraw’s wife, Robin McGraw, claim to use the product.
Wraps are now featured on Good Morning Texas, E!, Montel, and The View, among many other shows.
Tyra Banks visited Suddenly Slender Salon in Los Angeles with Maria on her show.
"I really hope this works," Maria says while getting wrapped in ACE tape, "I really want to get into that dress."
Measured before the procedure, Maria and Tyra wrapped themselves from head to toe in the mineral bandages. After exercising on an elliptical and jumping on tramps for an hour, the two were stripped down to see their instant inch loss.
Tyra lost 9.5 inches overall, including the 1.5 inches off her booty she wanted.
Maria, not able to zip up before, later appeared on the Tyra show in her new black dress.
"It feels great! I love it," Maria says gleaming, "I had no problems getting into it."
Now people everywhere are wrapping themselves in ACE bandages. Imagine thousands of mummy-wrapped people wearing plastic ponchos swinging their arms on an elliptical and jumping on tramps to loose weight. Elastic bandages, normally used to position wounded ankles, is now used to wrap the fat and shed inches off the body while tightening the skin tone--no more cellulite.
The Plano Body Wrap Shop is one of nine salons in the Dallas Metroplex featuring this product.
Laura Jean*, 48, started coming to the salon in October after hearing about it from two of her friends at work.
"Makes your skin tighter so you don’t just droop," Jean says, also claiming she’s lost 65-70 inches total since she first wrap. "I’ve actually lost more inches than I have weight."
Jean is also on a supervised diet and says she’s lost about 50 lbs total from wrapping alongside diet and exercise.
"You have water that runs off you," Jean says describing the Wrap, "You sweat out a bunch of stuff."
The toxic water rolling off the skin seeps into the plastic baggies wrapped around her feet.
Jean says the color of her "water" has changed since her first wrap.
"It was murky, but now it’s a lot clearer."
Judy Rafie, co-owner of the business says "toxins are everywhere." In your food. In your soda. In the air. "You go outside, you breath toxins," she says.
Rafie trained at Morton’s world headquarters in Clearwater, FL. In her Plano business she’s had clients ranging anywhere from age 13 to 90-something years old, she says. She also says about 60-70 percent of men and women who get wraps come before weddings, vacations, and parties. The other 40 percent come intending to loose weight. However, Rafie says the inch loss and suddenly slimmer appearance only lasts as long as the person does not gain more weight.
Rafie is not entirely sure of what composes Morton’s solution.
"It’s an if I’d tell you, I’d have to kill you type thing," Rafie says. A well-kept secret indeed.
However, Rafie did mention magnesium as one of the minerals used besides the formula. She says the magnesium, allows many people relax after using the wraps, and many of her claim to sleep well afterward.
Her shop like many of the others features some of Morton’s other products.
Face tape: a non-surgical procedure for face lifts. The also uses the bandages and solution along with tape to tighten the skin tone. The shops even claim this to rids people of double chins or puffy cheeks.
The Power wrap: instant breast reduction, no operating table involved.
Prices for these products can range anywhere from $40-$160, depending on the product.
Kelly Smith*, 38 , heard about the Body Wrap listening to the radio one day. She went online and found a location in Carrolton.
Her first visit she lost about 20 inches, more than promised, she said.
"It doesn’t burn or sting," says Smith,
Wrapped all up, swinging her arms on the gazelle and having secret solution poured on her for about an hour, Smith said it was all worth it.
"It feels funny because it’s tight and wet the whole time."
She like many other clients don’t like other people watching their meltdown, and wanted her identity concealed.
Jamice Rosales, worker of the Carrolton shop, says many of her clients "freak" even if a new technician wraps them.
Back at the Plano shop, a woman pumps away while watching television.
Every 20 minutes, Julie Burkhart, newly trained practitioner, bastes her brown-bandaged skin with warm solution--much like one would a gizzard.
Burkhart snaps on a pair of rubber gloves.
"The toxins are comin’ out, and I don’t want ‘em on me," she says walking into the next room toward the bagged and bandaged woman.
Finally.
"Jennifer, it’s time!"



*Last names changed to conceal identites.

Sites:
www.tyrashow.com
www.slimwrap.com --LA Suddenly Slender Salon
www.suddenlyslender.com
Suddenly Slender World Headquarters:
727-298-0808 or 1-800-221-6793

I also have the sources with telephone numbers, but this is the Internet so yeah, it's to protect their identities and well-being (sorry stalkers, LOL).

Tar and Ash: The Perils of Smoking

This is my iMovie I made in my design class. It's not much, but I tried. I had a post earlier, but i'm not sure what happened to it?? I guess the video messed up, so I'm re-posting. Like I said before, write now i'm a little on the broke side and lagging a little in technology. But now I know what I want as far as being able to "share" more of my life, and becoming a more professional journalist. I'm looking at getting an iBook, or just some kinda Mac, but the ibooks are just so cute! and also the Adobe suite along with it. If I can't get it, at least hopefully I will have access to one. Guess as long as i'm student i still would... I'm so excited though! I also mentioned before about a new digital camera. A better one. The other one I have now takes pictures, but it's a little old (got it Jr. year in HS for christmas. that was what like '04? ) I want one that takes better quality shots. That can take pictures of people even when their in motion and not look smeared. That can caputre video (sound would be a bonus) and I could put it on youTube, and embed more videos online.

I'm soo excited! I got some things to catch up on. My last written final exam is tomorrow. After that i'll be back to write more. I hope to continue this and grow out of it. I plan to blog a little more next semester and throughout the holiday. I know nobody really reads these but me, but at least I could look back one day and see the progressions i've made from were I first began. Adios! y Glory a Dios! lol

cRaZy things happening to me..

When I was driving in my car the other day, i was just thinking...the wildest things tend to happen to me. And as I tell stories of my life to others, they can seem a bit rediculous, but i promise, they're true! lol They're just so atlandish that it could be hard to believe. Like the fact that yesterday, I would have been on time for work, but I was an hour late because I got caught in traffic. As I was caught in traffic, I was going to call and tell them that I was running late, but I had forgot my phone. So I had to turn all the way around and drive twenty minutes, just to get my phone back (...could you belive that I had not forgotten as single thing I needed for the weekend, including my phone charger! but i forgot the one item I use throughout the entire day? yeah, i know! lol) Then when I got back I had to call and say i'd be an hour late because not only got caught in traffic, but had to turn around and get my phone just so I could call and say i'd be late...(sigh).
Now another story:
Last week I recieved extractions (I had three permanent teethe taken out for the purpose of braces). I had a story due that day for the paper. I sought to work on it earlier that day, and had completed one of my interviews. I just needed one more person to talk to, and they were located in the mall, the same place my dentist office was located were I would have the teeth taken out. My dentist appointment got pushed back almost an hour, but while i was waiting, I sought to speak with a lady from the salvation army (located in the mall) for my story. She was not there. I waited amost 30 minutes. So I went back to the denstist office, recieved three out of the four extractions I was scheduled to have, then afterward tried to go back and interview her, and without being able to talk! I was a mess. She was trying to be helpful, but the whole thing ended up turning into this big fiasco because she said she had to "gain permission" before speaking with anyone from the media, which I understood, and that was fine. But then she tried to manipulate the entire story by making up quotes based directly from their policy book so she wouldn't look bad. It was horrible. I was trying to gain her oppinion and insight on something, and all she gave me was crap from a book that I could have looked up myself if i wanted to. Lady: If I wanted what was in the damn book, why the hell would i be talking to you?
Some people just don't get it. They think as journalists all we want is information, but in reality, it's the people in the story that make it interesting and allows the story to "breathe" if you will (or at least it's this way for me). Otherwise a story wouldn't be a story, it would just be a page with dry facts, and nobody wants to read that. So, to make a long story short, I interviewed the lady with gauz in my mouth...the interview lasted waaaay longer than I wanted to. I only came with about 4 questions because I was trying to get out of there, but she kept drawing it out further. I ended up leaving with a throbbing headache--partically from listening to her, and partly from laying on my back for an hour with metal utensils prying in and out of my mouth and around my teeth. Thank you for a wonderful day!!
As soon as I got home, I started slaving over the story that was now due in 30 minutes...this was not part of the plan! well, i tried to at least have it in by 6, but i didn't send it in til 7.
Oh yeah, and by the way they didn't even run it anyway. After all that work!!
However, it ran today, and I was happy about that. Thank you God. and thanks Amberlee! (I told her this crazy gauz interview story...maybe she felt bad for me, lol) I felt bad for me.

The are just a few of the crazy things that tend to happen to me...
I'll post more as they happen. These stories are just minescule in comparison with some of the tall tales in my life. Unfortunately, I'm not able to think of them all at this time.

I'm so tired! But i'm still standing. Standing up for me

I'm about fed up with writing for the school paper. I really like writing for the paper, but this is why i'm fed up: I'm sick of the stories i'm always made to write. Granted, I'm not always flocking with new story ideas, but this something is about to change--fast. I need to stop letting people run over me and start standing up for myself, especially about stories that i feel aren't really my taste kind of like the one i have due on Mon...I don't want to write about that, and I got such short notice (they sent out the budget this afternoon, a FRIDAY AFTERNOON, you know when everybody is already gone for the day, or if they haven't left yet, they don't want to be at work...
I'm tired of these crap stories. I just want to write about stuff that i care about for once. When i write about things I care about, the words just spill out so much better. Give me at least something i find remotely interesting. No one probably ever reads my stories, i guarantee that! why? because they aren't fascinating enough. They just aren't. Last year in my interview for this paper, i talked about bringing diversity and a new view. Now that it's nearing the end of this semester, i realized i haven't done squat! I haven't written anything about black people or about any black event...i just discovered today on facebook that there were several things going on that i believe are VERY newsworthy and interesting, and either I had something going on at that time, or i just didn't really check my facebook to know about it because i just been so darn busy...not to mention, I haven't been attending NABJ meetings like i should to even really know what's going on. The weeks go by so fast!
I'm SO DISAPPOINTED in myself. So disappointed. A change starts now. I feel like what i'm doing with this paper is so pointless. I haven't really liked any of the stories that they have had me write...not really. Just boring. I'm not really proud of any of them either, and i guess i have myself to blame for that. The worst part is that my worst article is the last article i have published on the Daily site right now!

This weekend, I want to write about what i care about. This weekend, i'm going to write a story over community service day that's happening Sat. morning. Not sure if anyone's already doing a story over it...i'm just going to do it, take my own pics, the whole works....

And about my dilemma with the paper, I'm just going to do the best I can to look out for the interests of others, not my own. From talking to people i know, i'm going to find out what they want to see, and what they are interested in...
Before the Daily "dies" this semester, I want to write about an EVENT. I'm going to fight mg heart out for it, too. I want to write about black people...I want to write about people who are actually excited about what's happening in a story, and not just "sprung up on" by a random reporter with an assignment saying "Hey, We (the paper) want to do a story on..."
I'm so tired.
I'm tired of being walked all over.
I'm seriously going to be searching now for real stories about things and people that others really care about, or want to know about, or just even find interesting.

I'm standing up now for what I believe.

Halloween!!

Things have been kind of "off" lately. Tonight is Halloween...(sigh). Yeah, i'm supposed to be going out a lil bit later...

Today I finally had a dentist appointment that should be putting my in the right direction towards by treatments. I have been agonizing over it for the past three months. I'm just ready to continue and start getting my teeth straight, you know.
But yeah, i was sitting in the dentist office today about ready to cry. I had finally got the insurance company to switch me dentist providers cuz them people in west Plano were nothing but a hastle and a headache, and i just couldn't deal with it anymore!!! So finally, I got the office in Denton, about 5 mins away from me. At least if their dentist ever cancels on me because they have to pick up the daughter from school i won't be 30 minutes away and have to turn back. Yeah, this literally happened to me before...i was NOT happy! = I
....but anyway, its taken care of now so yeah, I'm on my way, thank the Lord! I'm also thankful for the church family we has brought me to: Lifeline. I hope i can become more involved there.
He has also been taking care of me financially as well, and all i can be is thankful. Just thankful--because He has taken care of me. This is nothing i have done by any means! trust me.
And he reminded me on Sunday that i should be using the access he's given me to share with others and to build and edify the body (the body of Christ, other believers) and not just keep it all to myself. So i decided to share, and this made me happy because all i want to do is edify thet body and please the God i serve. I know i'm not the best person i could be at times...I could definately do better at being more "intentional" with others (believers and non), imitating Christ who lives on the inside of me.
Today i was still sitting in the Dentist though, i was about to cry. Although a lot of things seem to be going well right now, there is still one thing that continues to bother me. Will i ever be in a relationship? and How much longer must i wait?? This thought haunts me daily. It makes me sad because I feel like deserve to be in a relationship. Not that i'm this "perfect person" or anything like that...I just feel like i'm too nice, caring, and loving to be alone right now. Maybe that does sound a little arrogant...ok, it does. I apologize. I'm just so tired of being single now. As i was layin on my back in the cold green chair gazing into the opaque lamp above me (in the dentist office) I started to worry because I haven't been in a relationship so long that i almost fear what i would be like...
am i even good enough? will i be able to keep him? am i really worth all the trouble that i may cause him? on the flip side--will he really be worth all the trouble he may cause me?

thinking...

I think about you and
I dream about you
All the time.
You are always on my mind and
I pray for you daily.
One day I will know you are and
Maybe...
maybe we can reflect back on these days apart and
realize...

realize that we were made for each other from the start.

Life change

Every time I go to the reach site (http://www.reachrecords.com/), I gain a new perspective.

Today I watched this video of Lecrae Moore in Zambia talking to a group of young students about Paul & Timothy and discipleship. He related the lesson so well to real life. Sometimes that's all i need, just a real-life application, you know? And I think it helps other people understand as well. It's just real.

Lately I've been trying to apply what I've learned about Christ and thinking about others and sharing the gospel with them. I've been trying to adopt a new attitude and apply the things I'm reading in the Bible. The main story I've been reading lately is about the Samaritan woman at the well. I keep reading it over and over again, just trying to soak in the message until it begins to seep into my everyday life...if that make sense?! lol i dunno, i just be letting my thoughts flow like rain heading downstream

I'm just tired of being so selfish. I hate to think of myself as a "selfish" person, because I thought i was others-minded. But today I had another wake-up call. When i took an honest look at my life, and what I spend most of my time doing, it's "doin me." What have i done for others lately? Am i really trying to live for Christ the way i say I do? Yeah, yeah, i am a little busy with school classes and work, but for what? maybe then i am a little too busy...

I want to make God number one in my life, not me. It seems I'm trying to have a relationship with him, trying to learn and apply these things i am reading in the Bible, but struggling so much. Even when i pray to him it's to ask him to "help me get through the day" or for my hubby, or for grace...sometimes i pray for others, but briefly, and that is SO SAD. Something has got to change if I'm serious about serving the Lord and "preaching" the Gospel to others through the way i live, and if necessary use words to explain my actions.


Listening to this Christian radio station right now (I'm not going to say which one because I'm not a fan of bad PR, but) the preaching even is so selfish, about bettering oneself...for what?
what meaning is this? I guess you could be a better person. I mean it sounds good , living up to your potential, not letting others hold you back, and God helping you get there (to the promised land), but why is God trying to take me to the promised land all by myself? why would he try to elevate me? where are others in this picture? ---OMG, i'm sorry to interrupt, but this pastor is using TI as an example? TI's arrogant attitude in "big things poppin"...pastor sayin: "That's what it's all about, "big things poppin'"...he's saying it in relation to God being a big God and not wanting us to settle for second...like i said, listening it sounds ok, but where are others in this picture? Based on the relationship I with God, he loves. When i read the Bible, i see him reaching out to all different kinds of people, even the "Samaritans", he revealed this too me last week. He desires relationship with all people, and loves all people. He lived his life purposefully to bring 'man'-figuratively speaking (this includes women too)--back to the Father in relationship with him as he intended in the beginning.
The more I read the book of John, the more i realize how ALL THINGS in the Bible boil down to this main thing: relationship. God's love for his people, the Israelites his precious people, extended to all men on the face of the earth. He loves ALL. The main thing I've seen Jesus doing reading the book of John so far is reaching out to others, and fulfilling his purpose: everything he did fulfilled the law of the prophets, and on top of it, illustrated God's plan...it's just so much! I HIGHLY encourage studying, i mean really studying the book of John, and you might want to bust out some commentary, actually i highly recommend that, too. It will help put things in context.

I kind of went on a tangent there, but I get so excited about what God has done. I just want other people to know, too. And I want to live my life in illustration and part of God's plan. That is all i want in life ultimately. The more and more time i spend busy, and running around with a chicken with my head cut off, the more i realize that this is not the life i want my entire life, this is only for a season, but ultimately i want to live for Christ. Life like Christ. Live Christ-like, imitating my Father who I have reconciled with through him.

street corner

Today on the street corner after lunch talking to some friends outside, catching up on the latest gossip (talk) I found out that a few of my other friends started going out together. It was only a matter of time. Two of the people, one couple, I know would be great for each other. It was only a matter of time, like I said, and i'm really happy for them. You know, I really hope things work out between them, if that's what God planned. Well, now the other couple kind of shocked me, but at the same time it didn't. I didn't shock me in light of the fact that these two spend a lot of time together and see each other mulitple times in the week on a regular basis. However, it I did shock me in the sense that them two would be a couple?? I didn't know whether to be happy, or just sorry. I know that sounds kind of harsh, but i just couldn't see them together. If they're not right for one another, hopefully they find out early on the relationship.

It seems like everyone has been hooking up together lately. Unlikely people I would never pair together, even people I know who aren't yet in the relationship, but may be on the verge of one because they have an admiror that they kind of like too, but they haven't savored passed "the friendship stage" yet, you know? But anyway, as hard as I try not to measure myself against the odds, i stepped on the scale of doom yet another time today. (sigh). Still alone. I get attention sometimes, yeah, but that doesn't substitute being in an actual relationship with someone who really cares about you and looks out for your best interesest. Someone who really understands you and offers themself to you, and their presence brings you sheer comfort. I try so hard to be strong. I understand by now that i am to wait. I did so well last week...but now, well, now I just got to dig my heels in the dirt, suck it up, and play this game called love that I continue to loose in.

I see so many people that I think could be him. Sometimes I fear that my expectations are to high, and i'm setting myself up for disappointment. I hope to God I won't be disappointed. All I can do is hope. All I have left is hope. All I can do is have faith, and keep the faith. And the Word says faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we cannot see.
Thought I cannot see him now, he's there. But i feel like i need him to come here, right now. Soon. Please.

Soon.

slow

sluggish.
plain.
lame.
or rather just plain slow!
Here we go again with me backtracking.
I stand along the tracks by the train passing me by,
stuck without direction.
Or rather stuck trying to go all directions.
New paths lead me behind in the race, old paths see me as old news
earased.
Same ol, Same ol', Same ol' place
can't imagine this girl as one who people will
see and recognize her face.
Can't imagine her being in that place
of influence.
An influencial race...

(to be continued)

Today this is kind of how I felT. After you read it, you probably had no idea what this meant, but that's ok, because I didn't write it expecting you to get it.

pivital point

Ok, so today was a little cRaZy. I finally finished my profile story on the new guy at the career center on campus. It turned out to be a pretty cute story, so far...just as long as the copy editors don't butcher it too much! lol

Most importantly I thank God for allowing me to get through this story, because I was having a really hard time with it. He helped me through indeed. I just hope the new assistant director will be happy with it, and others would enjoy reading it as well. I'm working to make my stories more relatable to the reader, and less "newsy" and loaded with facts.

I experienced another epiphany in my feature writing class today. Getchow always explains things in an awesome way when it comes to writing. His insights are like cool AC rushing into the room after coming inside on a blazing hot july afternoon in Texas, and a remedy to my negative thoughts I tend to belittle myself with. At times I become cinacle about the writing process out of frustration with myself. I'm not able to come up with the right words to say and let the language flow smoothly on the page like water gliding over a smooth stone in the Amazon. (I'm stretching this to make a point.) Today he read from "Bird by Bird", a book by Anne Lemont that I read last year and really enjoyed. As he read, the words off of the page resinated into my thoughts and mind. I sat attentively in my seat hanging off every word. Althought he talked about revision today, he also talked about the difference between writing a feature story verus just plain articles. He said horrible first drafts were ok, and that it's just a part of the writing process. I forget this some times. And sit paralized in my chair, crippled in my mind by fear. Fear that what I wrote could and will be used against me. By the end of class I decided that I would approach my future stories very differently from this point on. I want to entertain as well as educate, so I need to learn how to shape the words to keep the readers interest.

This day in age writers compete with TV and movies. A great challenge lies ahead for me, but I'm willing to fight. Today I restled in my mind over whether to have the student assistant edit my profile due today. I asked for help. I need to get better. She helped me tramendously! She saved my story from boredom.

Hand trembling, I handed her my copy. Then I watched as she fumbled through the first part of the story. She sat. Read. But then all of a sudden she leaned in closer to the black and white letters, reading the text intently, intrigued. Noticing this, I realized that she had reached the middle of the story at this point, the part that seemed the most interesting to me. She zipped through the last section, an easier read than the first half it seemed. She paused for a moment. Her face expressed a searching delicate choice in words in her mind.

"Maybe you should put this in your lead," she said. Just as I discovered/noticed. She advised me to lead with a story the person told me because it was interesting and she liked it. "It makes him seem more personable" she said. I see... Come to think of it, I thought the exact same thing after he told me the story. It made him more relateable. She said the first part was too loaded with facts, and the lead I had, she said the reader would have stopped after the first sentence and moved to the next best thing. So she gave me some ideas, and I fixed it. She helped me so today. And for once, after I read the story, I just stopped and smiled.

This experiene today (as well as my 20th birthday tomorrow) marks a pivital point in my writing, which will be different from now on.

Mafia!!

I played this awesome game yesterday called "Mafia"...I didn't know what the heck I was doing at first or exactly what I was getting into, but it turned out to be a really fun game and I met and got to know a lot of people that I never got to know before... But that game, Mafia, is a trip. They be serious.

Peculiar

I hauled my legs one foot after the other in a deep stride to make it up the neverending hill around 5:45 pm on a friday afternoon in Texas.

The last bus departed at 5:27, but my journey back home had just begun. I stood outside, pits soked in perperation from the suns relentless pressure. In digust I climed aboard the bus that would take me at least a few blocks from where I needed to be. Little did I know the scope of what was ahead of me. As I got off at the closest stop, I knew I had at least a mile or so more to walk. I sighed. I stood at the light as people glazed pass me in their air conditioned vehicles. I felt the stare of the Mexicans as they watched the little black girl walk up the hill alone down a back alley. When I was nearing the railroad tracks, I began to feel the sun beat upon my back. Suddenly I became an object underneath a magnifying glass on a hot summer day. God's eyes watching me. I pulled out my newspaper. The light shined perfectly between the trees creating a lamp for my path. "Thank you Lord," I said. By this time I had made it through the dark alley way, and the hovering trees over the poorly paved street--'a scene from an old 60's movie' I thought. You know the ones. Where the poor black kids have to walk across the railroad tracks coming home from school. The hovering trees help create a southern scene much like Forrest Gump. Forrest ran down that country paved road, trees hovering over him and all. He broke those metal braces and set himself free.
I just kept walking. I'm about to cross the train tracks now. It's a mystery to me where that train goes, because I know the highway crosses as some point, but I can't quite see how it makes it through or if it just...ends. Now I'm half a mile away. I girl passes me in a white toyota-i think- but she did a double take and just looked at me like "what is that girl doing walking out here?". Good question. But i really didn't mind much. Serves me right. I think I take for granted sometimes the fact that I have a car, and this just helped me to appreciate it! Besides, the excercise did me wonders cause I compomised a deal with Golden Archie today with the fast food. I knew better. Subway was just across the street. Anyway, making my way up that last hill shaded by trees on my left, sun bathing me with glory on my right, a few cars flew pass me. But one white car with a beat-up bumber falling off the tail end and a person inside who I thought was a guy at first, stopped their car and put it in reverse.
"What the--" I said to myself.
When the vehicle finally made it back to me lo and behold it was who I would call 'the evil-eyed diva' a month ago. I wrote her off as someone with one of THE WORST attitudes on the face of the earth. Everytime I saw her she would give me a look that crossed a scowl with a raised brow, a look of "I'm better than you" or looking at me like I was just plain crazy. Panting and sweating from my hike up the dirty grey road I was suprised to see it was her in the beat up white car asking me for a ride. AND to my surprise she was not wearing her infamous curly wig my dad and brother would probably label "unbeweavable". She looked bald from far away, hence the one whome I thought was a guy, but when the car reversed back to me it clearly had bosoms, lol. 'I can't believe this', I thought. 'Not only is he car busted, and barely running, but this girl ain't wearing a weave?' (And we all know how black people are about that. You don't go out like that.) ...but she gave me a ride. "Thanks" I said.
And all that time I thought she looked 'down' on me, had problems with me, and just flat out didn't like me. But after today she reminded me that we all need a helping hand sometime no matter who you are. And never underestimate the kindness that someone could really have in their heart and perhaps show to you one day. I looked at her differently today as I also will tomorrow and from this point on everyone who loves to give others dirty looks.