cRaZy things happening to me..

When I was driving in my car the other day, i was just thinking...the wildest things tend to happen to me. And as I tell stories of my life to others, they can seem a bit rediculous, but i promise, they're true! lol They're just so atlandish that it could be hard to believe. Like the fact that yesterday, I would have been on time for work, but I was an hour late because I got caught in traffic. As I was caught in traffic, I was going to call and tell them that I was running late, but I had forgot my phone. So I had to turn all the way around and drive twenty minutes, just to get my phone back (...could you belive that I had not forgotten as single thing I needed for the weekend, including my phone charger! but i forgot the one item I use throughout the entire day? yeah, i know! lol) Then when I got back I had to call and say i'd be an hour late because not only got caught in traffic, but had to turn around and get my phone just so I could call and say i'd be late...(sigh).
Now another story:
Last week I recieved extractions (I had three permanent teethe taken out for the purpose of braces). I had a story due that day for the paper. I sought to work on it earlier that day, and had completed one of my interviews. I just needed one more person to talk to, and they were located in the mall, the same place my dentist office was located were I would have the teeth taken out. My dentist appointment got pushed back almost an hour, but while i was waiting, I sought to speak with a lady from the salvation army (located in the mall) for my story. She was not there. I waited amost 30 minutes. So I went back to the denstist office, recieved three out of the four extractions I was scheduled to have, then afterward tried to go back and interview her, and without being able to talk! I was a mess. She was trying to be helpful, but the whole thing ended up turning into this big fiasco because she said she had to "gain permission" before speaking with anyone from the media, which I understood, and that was fine. But then she tried to manipulate the entire story by making up quotes based directly from their policy book so she wouldn't look bad. It was horrible. I was trying to gain her oppinion and insight on something, and all she gave me was crap from a book that I could have looked up myself if i wanted to. Lady: If I wanted what was in the damn book, why the hell would i be talking to you?
Some people just don't get it. They think as journalists all we want is information, but in reality, it's the people in the story that make it interesting and allows the story to "breathe" if you will (or at least it's this way for me). Otherwise a story wouldn't be a story, it would just be a page with dry facts, and nobody wants to read that. So, to make a long story short, I interviewed the lady with gauz in my mouth...the interview lasted waaaay longer than I wanted to. I only came with about 4 questions because I was trying to get out of there, but she kept drawing it out further. I ended up leaving with a throbbing headache--partically from listening to her, and partly from laying on my back for an hour with metal utensils prying in and out of my mouth and around my teeth. Thank you for a wonderful day!!
As soon as I got home, I started slaving over the story that was now due in 30 minutes...this was not part of the plan! well, i tried to at least have it in by 6, but i didn't send it in til 7.
Oh yeah, and by the way they didn't even run it anyway. After all that work!!
However, it ran today, and I was happy about that. Thank you God. and thanks Amberlee! (I told her this crazy gauz interview story...maybe she felt bad for me, lol) I felt bad for me.

The are just a few of the crazy things that tend to happen to me...
I'll post more as they happen. These stories are just minescule in comparison with some of the tall tales in my life. Unfortunately, I'm not able to think of them all at this time.

I'm so tired! But i'm still standing. Standing up for me

I'm about fed up with writing for the school paper. I really like writing for the paper, but this is why i'm fed up: I'm sick of the stories i'm always made to write. Granted, I'm not always flocking with new story ideas, but this something is about to change--fast. I need to stop letting people run over me and start standing up for myself, especially about stories that i feel aren't really my taste kind of like the one i have due on Mon...I don't want to write about that, and I got such short notice (they sent out the budget this afternoon, a FRIDAY AFTERNOON, you know when everybody is already gone for the day, or if they haven't left yet, they don't want to be at work...
I'm tired of these crap stories. I just want to write about stuff that i care about for once. When i write about things I care about, the words just spill out so much better. Give me at least something i find remotely interesting. No one probably ever reads my stories, i guarantee that! why? because they aren't fascinating enough. They just aren't. Last year in my interview for this paper, i talked about bringing diversity and a new view. Now that it's nearing the end of this semester, i realized i haven't done squat! I haven't written anything about black people or about any black event...i just discovered today on facebook that there were several things going on that i believe are VERY newsworthy and interesting, and either I had something going on at that time, or i just didn't really check my facebook to know about it because i just been so darn busy...not to mention, I haven't been attending NABJ meetings like i should to even really know what's going on. The weeks go by so fast!
I'm SO DISAPPOINTED in myself. So disappointed. A change starts now. I feel like what i'm doing with this paper is so pointless. I haven't really liked any of the stories that they have had me write...not really. Just boring. I'm not really proud of any of them either, and i guess i have myself to blame for that. The worst part is that my worst article is the last article i have published on the Daily site right now!

This weekend, I want to write about what i care about. This weekend, i'm going to write a story over community service day that's happening Sat. morning. Not sure if anyone's already doing a story over it...i'm just going to do it, take my own pics, the whole works....

And about my dilemma with the paper, I'm just going to do the best I can to look out for the interests of others, not my own. From talking to people i know, i'm going to find out what they want to see, and what they are interested in...
Before the Daily "dies" this semester, I want to write about an EVENT. I'm going to fight mg heart out for it, too. I want to write about black people...I want to write about people who are actually excited about what's happening in a story, and not just "sprung up on" by a random reporter with an assignment saying "Hey, We (the paper) want to do a story on..."
I'm so tired.
I'm tired of being walked all over.
I'm seriously going to be searching now for real stories about things and people that others really care about, or want to know about, or just even find interesting.

I'm standing up now for what I believe.

Halloween!!

Things have been kind of "off" lately. Tonight is Halloween...(sigh). Yeah, i'm supposed to be going out a lil bit later...

Today I finally had a dentist appointment that should be putting my in the right direction towards by treatments. I have been agonizing over it for the past three months. I'm just ready to continue and start getting my teeth straight, you know.
But yeah, i was sitting in the dentist office today about ready to cry. I had finally got the insurance company to switch me dentist providers cuz them people in west Plano were nothing but a hastle and a headache, and i just couldn't deal with it anymore!!! So finally, I got the office in Denton, about 5 mins away from me. At least if their dentist ever cancels on me because they have to pick up the daughter from school i won't be 30 minutes away and have to turn back. Yeah, this literally happened to me before...i was NOT happy! = I
....but anyway, its taken care of now so yeah, I'm on my way, thank the Lord! I'm also thankful for the church family we has brought me to: Lifeline. I hope i can become more involved there.
He has also been taking care of me financially as well, and all i can be is thankful. Just thankful--because He has taken care of me. This is nothing i have done by any means! trust me.
And he reminded me on Sunday that i should be using the access he's given me to share with others and to build and edify the body (the body of Christ, other believers) and not just keep it all to myself. So i decided to share, and this made me happy because all i want to do is edify thet body and please the God i serve. I know i'm not the best person i could be at times...I could definately do better at being more "intentional" with others (believers and non), imitating Christ who lives on the inside of me.
Today i was still sitting in the Dentist though, i was about to cry. Although a lot of things seem to be going well right now, there is still one thing that continues to bother me. Will i ever be in a relationship? and How much longer must i wait?? This thought haunts me daily. It makes me sad because I feel like deserve to be in a relationship. Not that i'm this "perfect person" or anything like that...I just feel like i'm too nice, caring, and loving to be alone right now. Maybe that does sound a little arrogant...ok, it does. I apologize. I'm just so tired of being single now. As i was layin on my back in the cold green chair gazing into the opaque lamp above me (in the dentist office) I started to worry because I haven't been in a relationship so long that i almost fear what i would be like...
am i even good enough? will i be able to keep him? am i really worth all the trouble that i may cause him? on the flip side--will he really be worth all the trouble he may cause me?

thinking...

I think about you and
I dream about you
All the time.
You are always on my mind and
I pray for you daily.
One day I will know you are and
Maybe...
maybe we can reflect back on these days apart and
realize...

realize that we were made for each other from the start.

Life change

Every time I go to the reach site (http://www.reachrecords.com/), I gain a new perspective.

Today I watched this video of Lecrae Moore in Zambia talking to a group of young students about Paul & Timothy and discipleship. He related the lesson so well to real life. Sometimes that's all i need, just a real-life application, you know? And I think it helps other people understand as well. It's just real.

Lately I've been trying to apply what I've learned about Christ and thinking about others and sharing the gospel with them. I've been trying to adopt a new attitude and apply the things I'm reading in the Bible. The main story I've been reading lately is about the Samaritan woman at the well. I keep reading it over and over again, just trying to soak in the message until it begins to seep into my everyday life...if that make sense?! lol i dunno, i just be letting my thoughts flow like rain heading downstream

I'm just tired of being so selfish. I hate to think of myself as a "selfish" person, because I thought i was others-minded. But today I had another wake-up call. When i took an honest look at my life, and what I spend most of my time doing, it's "doin me." What have i done for others lately? Am i really trying to live for Christ the way i say I do? Yeah, yeah, i am a little busy with school classes and work, but for what? maybe then i am a little too busy...

I want to make God number one in my life, not me. It seems I'm trying to have a relationship with him, trying to learn and apply these things i am reading in the Bible, but struggling so much. Even when i pray to him it's to ask him to "help me get through the day" or for my hubby, or for grace...sometimes i pray for others, but briefly, and that is SO SAD. Something has got to change if I'm serious about serving the Lord and "preaching" the Gospel to others through the way i live, and if necessary use words to explain my actions.


Listening to this Christian radio station right now (I'm not going to say which one because I'm not a fan of bad PR, but) the preaching even is so selfish, about bettering oneself...for what?
what meaning is this? I guess you could be a better person. I mean it sounds good , living up to your potential, not letting others hold you back, and God helping you get there (to the promised land), but why is God trying to take me to the promised land all by myself? why would he try to elevate me? where are others in this picture? ---OMG, i'm sorry to interrupt, but this pastor is using TI as an example? TI's arrogant attitude in "big things poppin"...pastor sayin: "That's what it's all about, "big things poppin'"...he's saying it in relation to God being a big God and not wanting us to settle for second...like i said, listening it sounds ok, but where are others in this picture? Based on the relationship I with God, he loves. When i read the Bible, i see him reaching out to all different kinds of people, even the "Samaritans", he revealed this too me last week. He desires relationship with all people, and loves all people. He lived his life purposefully to bring 'man'-figuratively speaking (this includes women too)--back to the Father in relationship with him as he intended in the beginning.
The more I read the book of John, the more i realize how ALL THINGS in the Bible boil down to this main thing: relationship. God's love for his people, the Israelites his precious people, extended to all men on the face of the earth. He loves ALL. The main thing I've seen Jesus doing reading the book of John so far is reaching out to others, and fulfilling his purpose: everything he did fulfilled the law of the prophets, and on top of it, illustrated God's plan...it's just so much! I HIGHLY encourage studying, i mean really studying the book of John, and you might want to bust out some commentary, actually i highly recommend that, too. It will help put things in context.

I kind of went on a tangent there, but I get so excited about what God has done. I just want other people to know, too. And I want to live my life in illustration and part of God's plan. That is all i want in life ultimately. The more and more time i spend busy, and running around with a chicken with my head cut off, the more i realize that this is not the life i want my entire life, this is only for a season, but ultimately i want to live for Christ. Life like Christ. Live Christ-like, imitating my Father who I have reconciled with through him.

street corner

Today on the street corner after lunch talking to some friends outside, catching up on the latest gossip (talk) I found out that a few of my other friends started going out together. It was only a matter of time. Two of the people, one couple, I know would be great for each other. It was only a matter of time, like I said, and i'm really happy for them. You know, I really hope things work out between them, if that's what God planned. Well, now the other couple kind of shocked me, but at the same time it didn't. I didn't shock me in light of the fact that these two spend a lot of time together and see each other mulitple times in the week on a regular basis. However, it I did shock me in the sense that them two would be a couple?? I didn't know whether to be happy, or just sorry. I know that sounds kind of harsh, but i just couldn't see them together. If they're not right for one another, hopefully they find out early on the relationship.

It seems like everyone has been hooking up together lately. Unlikely people I would never pair together, even people I know who aren't yet in the relationship, but may be on the verge of one because they have an admiror that they kind of like too, but they haven't savored passed "the friendship stage" yet, you know? But anyway, as hard as I try not to measure myself against the odds, i stepped on the scale of doom yet another time today. (sigh). Still alone. I get attention sometimes, yeah, but that doesn't substitute being in an actual relationship with someone who really cares about you and looks out for your best interesest. Someone who really understands you and offers themself to you, and their presence brings you sheer comfort. I try so hard to be strong. I understand by now that i am to wait. I did so well last week...but now, well, now I just got to dig my heels in the dirt, suck it up, and play this game called love that I continue to loose in.

I see so many people that I think could be him. Sometimes I fear that my expectations are to high, and i'm setting myself up for disappointment. I hope to God I won't be disappointed. All I can do is hope. All I have left is hope. All I can do is have faith, and keep the faith. And the Word says faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we cannot see.
Thought I cannot see him now, he's there. But i feel like i need him to come here, right now. Soon. Please.

Soon.

slow

sluggish.
plain.
lame.
or rather just plain slow!
Here we go again with me backtracking.
I stand along the tracks by the train passing me by,
stuck without direction.
Or rather stuck trying to go all directions.
New paths lead me behind in the race, old paths see me as old news
earased.
Same ol, Same ol', Same ol' place
can't imagine this girl as one who people will
see and recognize her face.
Can't imagine her being in that place
of influence.
An influencial race...

(to be continued)

Today this is kind of how I felT. After you read it, you probably had no idea what this meant, but that's ok, because I didn't write it expecting you to get it.